J. Alphonse Nicholson stars opposite Danielle Brooks in If I Go Will They Miss Me, Walter Thompson-Hernández’s Sundance drama set in the Watts neighborhood of Los Angeles.
The actor spoke to exclusively BLKCinema.com about working with Brooks for the first time despite a 15-year friendship, the significance of Thompson-Hernández’s personal story, and how his own experience as a father shaped his performance as Big Ant.
Working with Danielle Brooks
Nicholson and Brooks had been friends for over a decade before finally sharing the screen together. “Danielle has been a friend of mine for 15 years now, so to finally get an opportunity to work with her is a true blessing and she’s amazing,” he said. “I think she’s one of the most talented actors of our time and I’m grateful to call her a contemporary and a peer.”
He pointed to the range Brooks brings to the role: “Her work here is so tender and sweet and vulnerable and heartbreaking at times, but also you see the joy on her face, which is really great. You see her able to step into a role that we haven’t really seen her in before.” Nicholson added that acting alongside her pushed his own performance further: “For me, I feel like I’m able to continue to show my range in this role and to pair with her, she helps me shine.”
On Walter Thompson-Hernández’s story
Nicholson credited director Walter Thompson-Hernández for drawing from his own upbringing in Watts to shape the film. “This is a part of where he comes from. This is a part of what he’s seen growing up and his imagination that he’s put on paper and that we’ve been able to put on screen,” he said.
He framed the film as part of a broader responsibility to tell stories from underrepresented communities: “I think all folks in that diaspora and the brown walk of life deserve to have their stories told no matter what the story is. So I think we just have to continue to reach out and find these gems of stories and then also continue to tell your story as a writer, as a creative, what’s in your heart to tell. As Black creators, I think we have so many stories and they all need to be told.”
Playing two fathers at once
Nicholson shot If I Go Will They Miss Me at the same time as Lanterns, playing two different (and complicated) father figures simultaneously. “I was shooting Lanterns and If I Go at the exact same time, if you notice the clean-shaven face for both projects, the fade was high and tight and playing two very different fathers, but very complex,” he said.
Being a father himself informed how he approached Big Ant. “I was able to bring that to the role. I was able to bring my flaws. I was able to bring my understanding of feeling like a failure, feeling like that you’re not showing up in the right way, feeling like that you are not taking accountability for the things that you’ve done,” he said. “I understand what that means in real life. I understand what that means in real time as a father.”
That vulnerability showed up directly on screen. “Some days that I needed to cry, I just let it come out on screen. Some days that I needed to just breathe and believe, it is very easy to sit in these roles and allow that to happen,” Nicholson said. “Somewhat of a method actor and at the same time just blending my life with the show and with the film and allowing my vulnerability to reach and touch as many people as I can, and I think Black fathers need to see themselves this way.”
Accountability as a mirror
Nicholson said he hopes the film pushes Black fathers to reflect on their own choices. “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to know that you’ve messed up. It’s okay to hold yourself accountable and know that you have to grow from that. You cannot stay in one place and lose everything and allow it to slip through your fingers, especially something that’s really good, especially something that’s good for you,” he said.
“I challenge fathers to look at these two different roles and say, ‘Hey, how have I shown up in this way?’ It may be on the spectrum. It may not be as extreme as some of the characters, but all of us, and I think especially Black men and Black fathers, have to make sure we use these projects as mirrors for ourselves, which is what I’ve done.”
If I Go Will They Miss Me is now playing in theaters.
Featured image photo credit: Photo: Rich Spirit Films
Leave a Reply